Shake It Off

4 days out from the marathon... I tried running this morning. Before today, my legs would not have even cooperated to be physically ABLE to move in a running-like capacity. But today, I walked down our loooong driveway and at the end of it started running. Trotting, is more like it. I barely ran half a block before the twinge and tightness in my left quad was unbeareable.

Ok, I'll walk for a bit. Walking feels good. I'll walk as fast as I can so I work up a sweat like a power walker. That worked for a few blocks and then I picked things up again and started trotting. It felt better with warmed up muscles, but it didn't feel great. The run plan had been 2 miles so I altered my route to keep it to 20 minutes of run/walk.

Kind of disappointing, considering I feel like I should be able to jump right back into things. I guess my body just doesn't adjust well. What's taking so long? I was in running clothes, walking. I hate that. 

My ipod was on the same playlist that I listened to during the marathon. I remembered listening to Taylor Swift's Shake It Off about 3 times when I was in a really rough spot around mile 17. That fun, peppy joy of a song! It literally put a smile on my face and that made me feel a little better during the race. So, I scrolled through the playlist til I found it. I blasted it.

They say music can vividly bring you back to a moment in time. It's true. Suddenly, the memory of a race moment flooded in. The way I felt during the marathon when it was so impossibly tough, and I came up with a way to make me forget about that and just run for a while.

It felt like a truly powerful moment of caring for myself. I found the will to keep moving. In a way, it was a loving act, something wise, clever, and kind, and perhaps a bit desperate in that moment. The song could save me temporarily, and I used it. And I get to have that memory of how I acted in the face of  difficulty. Me myself and I get to keep that moment.

That little Shake-It-Off-on-repeat moment is mine.

After that I felt a little better about taking so long to recover. I'm just prolonging the memory of the experience in a physical way.

My legs may not work yet, but I'm shaking it off.